Signs
by a.pal2013
Summary: What would be different if Sister Bernadette hadn't called Doctor Turner in 2x08? What else could've been different...
1. Chapter 1

**This story was created based on a dream that I had. I have the majority of the story already handwritten- I just have to type it up and upload it. I am always looking for recommendations and advice regarding my writing and the storyline and will greatly appreciate comments and ideas. I hope you enjoy the story.**

 **I do not own Call the Midwife or the characters.**

Shelagh POV

 _The snug clothes felt unfamiliar_ , she thought as she stood in front of the mirror. She had stared into the mirror countless times over the last several months. During this time, her mind was flustered with opposing thoughts. Previously, her habit had consistently reminded her of her simple life that was filled with compline, psalms, prayer, familiarity, and safety. Her mind was now filled with a certain Doctor who seldom left her thoughts or dreams.

Her discharge from the sanatorium today would bring her closer to expressing the same feelings that Doctor Turner had expressed in his many letters to her. She had been wanting to talk to him, to hear his voice which she had missed while away. She was to go to Chichester to recover today. It had been planned by Sister Julienne who had wanted to ensure Sister Bernadette's full recovery. However, when Sister Bernadette had woken this morning, she decided that she could not wait any longer for the past few days felt like they lasted forever. With no tasks to distract her she felt as if her mind was constantly thinking about the future and all it's uncertainties. She couldn't wait any longer to find out what the future held. She had changed her mind. She wouldn't recover in Chichester. She'd recover in Poplar, her home. She'd woken early this morning and checked the bus schedule. She checked that she had packed her few belongings into her suitcases and made her way to check-out.

After signing the necessary documents, Sister Bernadette was officially discharged, officially ready to being a different life. She felt different now… hopeful and excited about the changes that awaited her.

She made her way through the old building that had been her home for months and followed the path to the one phone available to patients. She was hoping to phone Doctor Turner and inform him of her return and to express t him her shared affection. Sadly, her hopes were dashed when she saw a large queue of other patients waiting for the phone. She would just have to wait to see Doctor Turner in person to tell him how she felt. The thought of looking into his kind eyes and telling him momentarily distracted her and she quickly found herself at the front entrance where she would wait for her bus.

The bus was due in about ten minutes but wanted to wait at the front to ensure she didn't miss it. She set down her suitcases as the weight of it tugged on her arms. The muscles that had been toned from years of nursing had gotten soft with lack of activity. A bus soon appeared and she greeted the driver with a smile as she boarded. The bus was mostly empty, with only three others seeking travel on this particular route. She found a seat and placed her suitcases on the seat beside her. The day was misty, with the sun hiding behind thick clouds that sprinkled a small amount of rain. Her eyes were turned towards the window, hoping to see outside life that she missed during her time inside a building. Her eyes saw only fog and she ultimately opened up her suitcase and grabbed her Bible to occupy her during the ride.

After some time had passed, she looked up assuming familiar sights would be seen from beyond the windows. What greeted her caused her confusion and concern. Large expanses of wet, grassy fields could be seen. She stood and made her way towards the front of the bus,

"Excuse me Sire, how long till we arrive in Poplar?" she asked. The man huffed and furrowed his brows.

"Missy, we're headed in the opposite direction. Poplar's miles away." Sister Bernadette's stomach dropped and her heart began to beat frantically.

"I'm on the wrong bus. I need to get to Poplar."

"I can't help you with that Ma'am, their ain't another bus that travels down this way."

"How far is this bus going?"

"About 80 miles. We've got a few hours till we'll arrive."

"Please stop the bus," she pleaded. "I need to get off."

"There isn't another bus around…" The driver said cautiously.

"I'll walk," she said as she grabbed her suitcases.

"If you're sure…" he said slowing down and opening the door for her.

"Thank you," she said as she took the few steps down to get off the bus.

Sister Bernadette took a deep breath as the bus slowly picked up speed behind her. Her mind was frantic. _Calm down and thing_ , she told herself. _You'll fix nothing by getting worked up._ How far had she traveled in the wrong direction? She knew that Poplar was about thirty miles from the sanatorium. She had sat on the bus for about forty minutes noticing they were nowhere near her home.

She had to be at least 60 miles from Poplar. _I have to find a way to get home_ , she thought. The cold air had not been too concerning when she stepped off the bus but a mile down the road her adrenaline from the surprise had warn off and her teeth chattered as she walked.

 _How could I have been so careless_ , she thought to herself. She had checked the bus schedules thoroughly with the directory that the nurse had given her. Thinking back Sister Bernadette hadn't even checked the bus number before making her way onto it. She had been too distracted with her thoughts. She stifled a curse that threated to come out and continued to make her way down the seemingly endless road.

As she continued to walk, her feet aching in the unfamiliar utility shoes, she kept thinking about how careless she had been. She had always been so meticulous with everything before her heard started to override her brain. Now her silly thoughts about an unknown future could lead to her downfall. It'd been about an hour now and the cold weather began to cause her lungs to ache. She could no longer feel her fingers although her hands were frozen in a grip around the handles of her suitcases. Her toes were also frozen and she was pretty sure they were bleeding with the amount of pain coming from them.

Her anger at herself for her careless mistake grew with each step. Accompanying her anger was doubt. Doubt about her future, doubt about her decisions, and doubt about the past months grew strong leaving her confused.

The small amount of sunlight began to quickly disappear during hour two of walking. She had not seen a house or oncoming car and her hope of finding help was diminishing. Her walk had slowed and it felt that like cement blocks had been tied to her small feet. _The muddy road looked oddly comfortable_ , she thought as she slowed to a stop for the first time since beginning her trek. She had been afraid to take a rest for if she stopped she was afraid she wouldn't be able to continue. As she finally stopped, she knew that she was not longer able to continue. She sunk to her knees, her legs giving out and her suitcases falling from her cold hands. It was seconds later, that she felt herself falling towards the mud, not feeling the landing as she sunk into an exhausted unconsciousness.

Sister Julienne POV

"When is Sister Bernadette due to arrive in Chichester?" asked Sister Evangelina as she helped Sister Julienne with the day's lunch.

"I think the bus is due to arrive in about 30 minutes," Sister Julienne said looking at her watch. Sister Julienne was in a conflicting mood. She was ecstatic that Sister Bernadette had healed and was on her way to rest at the mother house, but she was torn with feelings of sadness and uncertainty with Sister Bernadette's role in the order. The last time she had spoken with the young nun, she had finally expressed her decision to leave the order. She had been relieved when Sister Bernadette had finally revealed what had been troubling her. Sister Bernadette's acting in the months prior to her admission into the sanatorium were worrying to Sister Julienne and she thought that simply admitting her troubles would free the nun from her burdens.

Unfortunately, when Sister Bernadette requested an alternate form of clothing, Sister Julienne felt a deep sense of loss grow within her. Loss of a fellow nun, loss of a colleague, and loss of a woman who she'd grown to see as a daughter. Sister Julienne was pulled out of her thoughts by the young nurses entering the hall to eat.

"This looks delicious," Nurse Franklin admitted about the sandwiches that were laid out. The other nurses expressed similar notions as they took their seats. Sister Julienne quickly said grace before everyone began to eat. Lunch discussion usually revolved around their work, and today was no exception. Sister Julienne was focused on her lunch and mildly listening to the nurses and their stories. It was when Nurse Miller mentioned Doctor Turner's name that she fully focused on the conversation.

"He seemed awfully distracted when I crossed paths with him this morning," she continued.

"It took me calling his name three times until he finally took notice," she finished, taking a sip of her tea.

"I noticed the same thing," added Nurse Lee. "It was as if he was in his own little world. I hope he's feeling alright," she added with concern.

Sister Julienne maintained her silence for the remainder of lunch; thinking about the small information she had just heard. When Sister Bernadette had made her confession that she wanted things that weren't offered in the religious life, Sister Julienne had developed suspicions of what it was that Sister Bernadette had specifically wanted. She suspected but never questioned Sister Bernadette further as she didn't want to pressure the young nun who had just bravely admitted her feelings.

Now, hearing the behavior of Doctor Turner and remembering his response after his wife had passed, she had a strong feeling that Sister Bernadette's admittance had something to do with the doctor. Her thoughts were again disturbed by the shrill ring of the phone.

"I've got it," Sister Evangelina said as she quickly made her way down the hall. Conversation continued and Sister Julienne took a sip of her now cold tea which had been left untouched.

A few minutes later the sight of a pale-looking Sister Evangelina entered the room and caused her stomach to drop.

"Sister Julienne, can I see you in the other room please?" Sister Evangelina asked with quivering voice. Sister Julienne stood on shaking legs and made her way towards the nun, hardly noticing that the room had gone quiet. As she stepped into the next room she watched as Sister Evangelina's eyes welled with tears. The show of emotion was off for her fellow nun and her concern grew.

"What's wrong Sister?" Sister Julienne asked as she placed a hand upon Sister Evangelina's shoulder in an effort to console her.

"There was… there was an accident…" Sister Evangelina began.

"A bus crash…"

Sister Julienne could feel her hear beat wildly and a growing nausea creeped up on her. Fearing the answer, Sister Julienne gathered her courage,

"Is she alright?" she asked fretfully. Sister Evanglina took the older nun's hands and shook her head.

"Apparently there were no survivors." At that, she stopped hearing anything as a piercing sound rang through her ears. She found herself being helped into a chair as her balance wavered. She didn't hear anything but her sobs as Sister Evangelina kneeled down next to her and began to pray.


	2. Chapter 2

**I really appreciate the reviews that were left for Chapter 1. Reviews really help keep me motivated to continue updating and writing. Here is a short chapter which I hope you all enjoy.**

Sister Bernadette POV

Coldness surrounded her as her eyes fluttered open. It wasn't the cold that awakened her, nor the ache deep in her chest making each breath difficult. What woke her was the repeated shaking of her shoulder.

"Ma'am can you hear me? Are you okay?" She heard a deep voice say.

"I don't know," she managed to say. She sat up reaching for her glasses which had fallen near where her head had rested.

"What happened?" she asked finally looking at the gentleman that had woken her.

"I'm not quite sure. I was driving by and saw you lying here," he said point to his truck.

"I don't normally take this road but a herd of sheep are blocking the other route," he explained.

"I've got a blanket in my trunk, let me get it for you," he said standing. As he made his way to his vehicle, Sister Bernadette noticed the mud gathered on his trousers. She looked down at ther own self and found herself to be completely covered in the mud.

"Why don't you let me take you to the hospital," he stated as he returned with the blanket. The kind man draped the thick material over her shoulders and Sister Bernadette was grateful for the small reprieve from the chill.

"It's only down the road a bit," he continued, concern for the stranger evidence in his voice.

"I'm not quire sure…" she began before a deep cough erupted from her, betraying the touch façade she had been trying to give off. The man had been kind enough already and she didn't want to take advantage of his generosity.

"I think it's best we go," he said without giving her the option of saying no. He began to help her up from the mud, offering assistance and a hand when she slipped. A few more coughs erupted before she made it to the truck on shaky legs. The gentleman made sure she was seated in the car before gathering the two suitcases which were also covered in mud.

 _How long had she laid there in the mud and in the cold?_ She thought to herself. She watched as the man belted himself and stated the engine.

"Do you have the time?" she asked. Her own watch was covered and crusted with mud.

"Half-passed 3:00." She'd laid there for about twenty minutes if she was guessing right.

"What were you doing out on the road in this cold?" he asked, glancing over at her.

"I got on the wrong bus and was heading back," she explained. She closed her eyes and tried to push away the irritated thoughts from earlier. Her carelessness and silliness had distracted her and it could've killed her. The cold air wasn't good for anyone, let alone someone just recovering from tuberculosis. She was angry with herself. _Why had this happened?_ she thought. Maybe God was punishing her; angry at her for turning her back to him and her sisters. These thoughts bounced around here head as the warmth of the cabin and the bouncing of the uneven road lulled her to a troubled sleep.

Sister Julienne POV

It had only been about an hour; but the feeling of despair consumed her and the concept of time ceased to matter. _Sister Bernadette was gone_ , she thought. The police had stopped by to make official announcements. They were still here, standing on the other side of her office, talking to Sister Evangelina about the details. She knew that she should've been the one to talk with the police about this issue, but at this moment, she didn't care about anything. The only thing she wanted was her sister back. Her eyes welled up again and she reached for another tissue to dry her eyes. Her fingers met an empty box and before she could seek an alternative, a handkerchief was held in front of her. She looked up to see the face of Sister Evangelina, whose own tears had dried upon her face.

Sister Julienne looked up and noticed that they were alone.

"They left moments ago," Sister Evangelina explained seeing Sister Julienne's confusing.

"What did the police inquire about?" she asked, taking the handkerchief and wiping her eyes. She stood up and walked towards the window. The sky was white with rainclouds and the rain had sprinkled all day.

"They wanted to offer a more detailed explanation," Sister Evangelina stated with uncertainty.

Looking over to Sister Evangelina, Sister Julienne could see the apprehension of whether to continue on her face.

"Go on Sister," she said, looking back to the window.

"Apparently, a tire blew and the driver lost control of the bus… The bus went off the road and flipped." Sister Evangelina took a deep breath.

"A witness saw it happen and said that quickly after the bus came to a stop it caught fire before anyone could escape." Sister Evangelina finally continued, her voice wavering unsteadily.

"The police said that the fire destroyed everything…. Not many are even identifiable," Sister Evangelina sobbed. With the last statement lingering in her head, Sister Julienne's hope grew slightly and she turned to face the nun. She walked toward the woman and took the seat beside her.

"Are they sure she was on the bus?" she asked. A small amount of hope in her eyes.

"Her name was on the registry…" she began. "And the police said that each seat was being used."

"How is our sister to rise again if her earthy form in not intact?" Sister Julienne heard from the doorway. She turned and saw their eldest sister wringing her hands and hicupping with sobs. Sister Julienne stood to embrace her in a hug as she continued.

"She will need eyes to see; a brain to think; a heart to love….she has been maimed for all eternity." Sister Monica Joan cried and gripped onto the shoulders of her fellow sisters.

"Sister Bernadette does not need her physical body; her soul is with God," Sister Julienne offered.


	3. Chapter 3

∫ **This is a re-upload of Chapter 3 as the first attempt at uploading resulted in terrible formatting! Sorry. Please enjoy.**

Chapter 3

Sister Bernadette POV

The next time she woke, she was much warmer although her chest still ached. Her eyes fluttered open and she took in her surroundings. Blurry white walls… she needed her glasses. Sister Bernadette rolled over and found her spectacles sitting atop a small bedside table beneath a lamp. Once on, her vision cleared and she could see. A hospital room with bare walls and a small window confronted her. Thoughts of how she came to be here briefly crossed her mind before she recalled bits and pieces of the evening before. She had been woken in the passenger seat of a car and guided into the hospital where she was briefly examined by a doctor and admitted overnight for rest. It had been difficult when the staff asked for her name.

She had been torn… which name was she supposed to give them. Technically she was still a nun; having not yet renounced her vows. However, her clothing caused questions. Sister Bernadette had simply explained that she was to renounce but had been stalled.

'Did she even want to go through with it now?' she thought. 'Was this a sign telling her that her choice was wrong?'

Her head hurt with all that was going through her mind. 'What was she supposed to do now?... Go back to Poplar and continue the path that she had decided? Or go back to being a nun?' She thought in frustration. She thought that God had offered her a window but with everything that happened, she was wondering if God had slammed it closed and locked the shutters.

'She needed time to think,' she told herself. She got up, her toes curling at the cold floor. Her belongings had been placed on a chair on the other side of the room. She made her way over to the worn luggage and opened it. Thankfully the inside contents were unmarred by the mud that had seemed to cover everything. Even this morning, Sister Bernadette still had globs of mud on her that she hadn't wiped off last night.

She heard a small knock on the door and turned to see a doctor enter the room. 'It was the same doctor she saw last night, but it wasn't her doctor,' she thought. She shook her head. 'She had no claim on him anymore,' she thought. She was going to give it time… 'God's message was clear when she took the wrong bus…. It wasn't meant to be,' she told herself sadly.

"Sister Bernadette," she heard the man say. She looked up at him and found him standing near her. Startled, she took a step back.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," he said putting his hands up in defense.

"Quite alright," she replied. "I was in my own little world."

"How are you feeling this morning," he asked as they made their way over to the bed.

"I'm feeling much better," she began. "Although I still have some breathlessness and achy-ness in my chest." The doctor took off his stethoscope and placed it on her chest, listening to her chest. The warm hands and the cool instrument were a familiar feeling; distinctly remembering them from another doctor a few short months ago.

"That's to be expected," he replied. "With your history and the day you had yesterday I'd be surprised if you weren't experiencing these symptoms." He finished his exam and made his way over to her chart on the table.

"I expect your symptoms are being caused by the cold temperatures you endured," he said. "The cold constricts the lung muscles, which can lead to pain. And…. Because you were out for so long, they are just sore." He finished his explanation and closed her chart.

"When can I leave?" she asked, eager to get back to her familiar and comfortable city.

"You're free to go this afternoon," he said. "I do however recommend that when you return home, that you take it easy and get lots of rest," he said with concern.

"Let's give your lungs a break, okay?" he teased with a smile and Sister Bernadette watched as the friendly doctor made his way out of the room. She took a deep breath and released it slowly. 'She could go home,' she thought. She would return as a nun… a nun with an unsettled mind. Another small knock sounded and Sister Bernadette greeted a nurse as she entered.

"Good morning," the nurse said cheerfully.

"Good morning," Sister Berndette returned.

"Breakfast will be served in about thirty minutes so you have plenty of time for that shower you missed last night." Sister Bernadette smiled.

"A shower is much needed. Thank you," Sister Bernadette said.

"Did you need me to get you something to wear?" she asked. "I saw your muddy clothes that you came in…" Sister Bernadette looked over at her luggage and though about the few belongings she had in there. Her Bible, two habits, and a pair of work shoes.

"No," she responded. "I have something to wear."

"Great!" the nurse replied. "I'll leave you to it then," she said as she made her way to the door. The nurse stopped just short of the door and turned.

"Did you need me to call anyone for you?.. Let them know you're here… where to pick you up? She asked.

"Yes, " Sister Bernadette said. "Yes, can you please call Poplar 459 and let them know I'm here… that Sister Bernadette is here."


End file.
